


Hold Me 'Til It Doesn't Hurt

by FelOllie



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag: 2x15, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 20:25:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3395255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelOllie/pseuds/FelOllie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Don't torture yourself, okay? Roman is stronger than he looks. He's gonna be fine – you both are.”</p>
<p>Kim turns in his arms, wraps her arms around Adam's neck and buries her face in his throat. He still smells a little like her bodywash, the bodywash he insists he hates but still uses whenever they sleep at her apartment.</p>
<p>“Can you just take me home?” she asks, exhaustion making her limbs feel heavy, leaden. </p>
<p>His hand, wide and warm and grounding, slides up and down the line of her spine in gentle strokes, soothes the frayed edges of the chaos inside her. “Yeah, absolutely. Whatever you need.”</p>
<p>OR:</p>
<p>My brain needed to see this scene through to something that didn't leave me sobbing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me 'Til It Doesn't Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing Burzek, so please be kind!
> 
> You can find my tumblr [here](http://littlered-sourwolf.tumblr.com/).

Adam doesn't speak until she's all cried out, leaning against his chest quietly – save for the occasional sniffle or shuddering breath. 

Her eyes are puffy and sore, but then, so is the rest of her body. The bruises staining her skin are growing darker with every passing moment, crawling beneath the surface to bloom black and purple across her thigh, her bicep, across the pale column of her throat; even her ribs are tender to the touch. She knows her cheek and temple will sport matching discoloration soon, but she can't bring herself to care about any of it.

Sean almost died today, they both did, and all Kim can think about is what if? Her mind is caught in a constant loop of what could have been, what might have been if she wasn't so stubborn, so heart-set on changing her life; a life that really didn't need to be changed. What if she hadn't been able to get the gun away from Orion? What if Sean hadn't been able to make it down those stairs in time, or she hadn't gotten the drop on Orion and opened his carotid? _What if, what if, what if..._

“I know what you're thinking.” He says it softly, almost a whisper in the empty locker room, but it startles her.

“What?” Even to her own ears her voice sounds gritty, like she swallowed a sandbox, or maybe a box of tacks.

His arms around her loosen, just enough that he can drop them down and tighten them around her waist, pull her more firmly into the spread of his legs and press his lips into her hair. “Don't let yourself drown in the what-ifs, Kim. You can't go back and undo any of it, can't change the choices you made or the decisions you wish you hadn't. They'll eat you alive if you let them.”

She feels the ghost of a smile tug at her lips. Adam's ability to read her mind – read _her_ – sparks something warm in her chest and it's the first time she's felt anything but cold since she found Roman bleeding on the warehouse floor.

“Don't torture yourself, okay? Roman is stronger than he looks. He's gonna be fine – you both are.”

Kim turns in his arms, wraps her arms around Adam's neck and buries her face in his throat. He still smells a little like her bodywash, the bodywash he insists he hates but still uses whenever they sleep at her apartment.

“Can you just take me home?” she asks, exhaustion making her limbs feel heavy, leaden. 

His hand, wide and warm and grounding, slides up and down the line of her spine in gentle strokes, soothes the frayed edges of the chaos inside her. “Yeah, absolutely. Whatever you need.”

Her eyes prickle with heat, the urge to shed tears she doesn't have left to shed. “You and sleep.” she manages to choke out around the lump in her throat. “That's all I need.”

 

*

 

The cold press of a gun lingers on her skin when she screams herself awake. Panic seizes her throat and makes her whine low in her chest, but Adam is there, reaching for her with solid, steady hands. He wraps her up against him, pulls her into his lap and tucks her head under his chin, holds her until the tremors stop. His gentle murmurs and soft shushes pull her from the grasping tendrils of her nightmare, let her know that she's safe there, curled up in his arms.

She's disoriented and her heart is beating a heavy, painful pattern beneath her ribs, the darkness of her bedroom pressing in around her. The clock beside the bed glares the lateness of the hour, admonishes her silently.

“I've got you, okay? I've got you.” Adam's voice is all warmth and unwavering strength, though she doesn't miss the fear in the way he holds her. 

“I'm good,” she promises, wipes at her nose with back of her hand and swipes away the trails of moisture on her cheeks. “Just a nightmare.”

He doesn't let her go and she wonders if maybe he can't. Maybe he needs this as much as she does, needs to feel safe, connected. She doesn't try to disentangle herself, just lets herself go limp against him. His embrace tightens immediately.

They sit in silence for a long time, Kim huddled in his lap while Adam reassures himself by letting his fingertips trail over her bare skin. Her skin breaks out in goosebumps but she's comfortable and content, huddled up in his lap. Adam notices her shivering, pulls the blanket up around her shoulders and wraps it around her like a shield.

“Better?” 

She nods against his throat, presses her palm flat against his bare chest, feels his heartbeat echo behind her ribs. “Thanks.”

He snorts lightly, kisses her forehead. “For what?”

“Being here, staying with me even though I'm a mess right now-”

“Hey,” His tone is soft but she can hear the steel behind it. “I wouldn't be anywhere else, do you hear me? Tonight or any other night. If you need me, I'm there – end of story.”

Kim feels her chest constrict, her throat squeeze around the swell of emotion rising up. There aren't enough words in the world to put voice to the way his declaration makes her feel, so she doesn't try. Instead, she presses her lips to the rough edge of his jaw and hopes he understands. She nuzzles her nose into his cheek, leaves a trail of delicate kisses on his skin until she reaches his mouth.

When their lips meet, it's gentle, hesitant; like he doesn't want to hurt her. 

“Kim.” It's as much a warning as it is a prayer, carried on a breath that's just a little more ragged than it was a second before. 

She molds her lips to his once more, achingly gentle but with more conviction. “Adam.” She breathes it against his lips, can't think of a better way to say all the things swirling inside her like a storm. “You asked me what I needed,” she reminds him, “This is it. You and me, that's what I need.”

She can barely see his face, the only light spilling in from the curtained windows on the other side of the room, but she can feel the war raging inside him.

“You're hurt.” he says, like he needs to remind her, like she can't feel the aches and throbs of each and every mark. “I don't want to make it worse.”

This time when she kisses him, she nips at his bottom lip and smiles when he sucks in a breath. She soothes the bite with her tongue, a teasing swipe across the sensitized skin. “So, be gentle.”

The growl that rumbles in his chest is all the warning she gets before he's easing her down on the bed beside him, careful not to jostle her injuries. He hovers above her, one hand slipped beneath the thin cotton of her cami, stroking the curve of her waist while the other sweeps a lock of hair away from her forehead.

“I love you, Kim.” he murmurs, so brittle and sincere that her heart throbs in response. “I don't know what I would have done-”

“Shh.” She rubs her thumb along the swell of his bottom lip, traces the line of it. “I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. It's going to take a lot more than what happened today to take me away from you.”

Adam moves before she does, captures her lips as he eases his weight down into the cradle of her thighs. 

There isn't much talking after that, but they don't really need the words anymore, anyway.


End file.
